I’m taking my son Stephen’s advice today:  “Lighten up, dad!”

A lot of my posts describe the painful symptoms of depression, then explain how God’s resources sustain and enable me.  But today, I’m sharing an upbeat story of God’s provision, a resource that has consistently assuaged my bouts of despondency over the years.  I hope you enjoy the story, and get better acquainted with Jehovah-Jireh in the process.

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During my high school years, to say that I was shy and socially-inept, lacking in confidence, would be the understatement of the century.

Girls grabbed my attention, all right, but a low self-esteem kept me from asking anyone for a date before I graduated.  I figured they’d say “No!” and I was too frail to risk the rejection.  Many times during those years I cried myself to sleep, wishing I could talk to girls without blushing or call one on the phone without my heart pounding violently in my chest as if I were having a panic attack.

I recall a dance after a Friday night football game (we called it a “sock hop”).  I sat alone in a dark,  remote section of the gym bleachers and cried so much a severe headache ensued. I yearned to be “normal” like the classmates I saw on the gym floor who were apparently having a great time.  Look up “self-conscious” in a Pictorial Dictionary from the late 1960s and you’ll see my picture.

 

The College Years

Fast forward to college, where I resolved to earn better grades and start dating.  The grades ramped up–from a  cumulative”C” high school average to all “A’s” my freshman year in college. The courage to ask girls out followed suit.

But the newfound courage also spawned an unexpected problem.  In a hurry to compensate for what I perceived as the “lost” years of high school, socially-speaking, I’d fall for a girl too quickly, becoming emotionally invested before we knew each other well. In effect, I was “in love with love,” desperately needing affection from the female gender.

More than once I scared away girls who were becoming friends, whom I knew liked and respected me, by saying or writing something romantic typically reserved for a more serious relationship.  (Who feels comfortable with a love poem on just the second date?)

It all came to a head my junior year in college.  I took a girl named Christy to an on-campus event, our first date. We got along fine.  But as I walked her back to her dorm, I began feeling intense affection for her that had no logical basis, for I hardly knew her. I  hastily said goodbye to her, and felt disgusted with myself for letting it happen again.  I was in love with love, not with Christy.  I was sick and tired of feeling this way and knew I needed to vent to the Lord.  I knew I wasn’t cut out to be single, but it was apparent that  I wasn’t approaching the dating scene with anything resembling maturity.

I literally ran across campus to the boy’s dorm and locked myself in a seldom-used prayer room.  I told God I was messing things up.  As I lay spreadeagled on the floor, I pleaded through loud  crying for the Lord to stabilize me emotionally and to direct me to the woman He intended me to marry.  Tired of trusting myself, I surrendered my dating life to God and asked Him to manage it. My  intent was to pull back and take no initiative in the dating sphere for a while.

In all of my 68 years, that was perhaps the longest, most gut-ripping, sincere prayer I’ve ever uttered.  And it proved to be a hinge on which a better future turned.

Because what happened several months later was God’s doing, not mine.

 

Divine Intervention

Since I couldn’t trust myself when it came to dating and to emotions, I refrained from any initiative with girls for two or three months.  Waiting wasn’t easy, but I kept relying on God to set something in motion for me.

Out of the blue, a close friend approached me about going out with his girlfriend’s roommate, who had recently broken up with her steady boyfriend.  My friend didn’t know all about my past frailties with girls, nor  was he aware of the night in the prayer room where I surrendered to God concerning my dating life.  His and his girlfriend’s persistence prompted me to take a girl I’d never met, Dolly Wardell, on a date. When I heard she was a pianist and loved jazz, I selected a venue that I thought she’d enjoy:  an on-campus concert by the renown Preservation Hall Jazz Band from New Orleans.

Though I liked her from the start–a lot!–I wanted to get to know her before I gave my heart away.  We ate together often in the  cafeteria and took walks.

I felt nervous one day when I saw her sitting with her former boyfriend in the cafeteria, but I whispered, “God, if she’s who you intend for me, they won’t get back together. I can trust You for this.” My affection for her grew,  and within weeks she reciprocated in kind.  My spirit soared. I could hardly believe a pretty, faith-filled girl was returning my love.  Six months later I proposed.  Dolly was the last girl I ever asked out for a date.  June 5, 2018 we’ll  celebrate our 47th wedding anniversary!

God knows what He’s about.

How God intervened for me isn’t a blueprint for how He provides a mate for every one of His children. But in my case, Jehovah-Jireh (God Will Provide) became more than a name of God for me. He met my need for comnpanionship in response to my desperate plea and surrender to His management of my dating life.

 

God’s Choicest Gift

I’ll close this post with a poem I wrote Dolly for Valentine’s day, 2007.  I chose it because the poem’s theme of God’s provision culminates in His provision of my bride, alluding to the story I’ve shared.

 

God’s Gifts

 

The Lord granted me life when my mother conceived.

He gave me forgiveness the instant I believed.

He gave me His spirit to comfort during pain,

and provided His Word to enrich and sustain.

He blessed me with sons whom I’ve watched become men;

surrounded me with friends who are “Jesus with skin.”

When I teach or write, it leaves an impression.

I don’t take for granted His gift of expression.

 

He called me to serve at a prestigious place.

Life’s chock-full of meaning and it’s all due to grace.

When compared to the world, I’m a person of wealth.

I’ve a house, lots to eat, and relatively good health.

This I’ve learned about God, the ultimate Giver:

When I cry out in need, I know He’ll deliver.

 

But the choicest treasure I’ve received from above,

which I can’t live without, is the gift of your love.

I pleaded with the Lord for a need-meeting bride.

You’re how He answered, and the source of my pride.

In mom’s womb, God designed me with a missing part.

But now I am whole, for you gave me your heart.

 

How do you need to experience “Jehovah-Jireh” today?

For what kind of provision do you need to plead?

 

Without Dolly, my episodes of depression would be deeper and longer. She’s a source of joy and it’s hard not to smile when I think of how God answered my heartfelt prayer from a dorm prayer room in 1970.  In case you haven’t read it, for a Fall 2017 post on the value of a mate in helping with a spouse’s depression, in which I illustrate points with how Dolly relates to me, see this link:

How Can A Spouse Help with Depression?