To some extent, each of us is self-absorbed.

More interested in our own needs being met than meeting the needs of others.  More motivated by our own reputation instead of God’s glory.  Too sensitive to what others think of us (without realizing that they seldom do, anyway).  Relying on others’ opinion more than God’s. Basing our identity on our own accomplishments, instead of what Jesus achieved for us on the cross.

It’s the fallout of our sinfulness.

Yet continuing erosion into greater self-centeredness is not inevitable.  A measure of healing that nudges us a bit closer to unselfishness and maturity is possible, especially if we recognize our need and plea regularly for God’s enablement.

A prayer poem I wrote to God back in 2003 is as timely for me today as it was fifteen years ago. It’s a plea for God to heal my deepest insecurities, to expand my capacity to love others, instead of just using them to verify my own self worth.

 

Heal My Hurts

When I’m absorbed too much with self
my usefulness goes on the shelf.
My energy is turned away
from folks I meet and greet each day.
Or I use them to verify
that I’m okay, a worthy guy.
Too heavily do I depend
on words of family or friend
to fill within a gaping hole,
when only God can fill that role.

Oh, God who gave me second birth,
please heal my hurts until my worth
is grounded in what Christ has done
instead of victories I’ve won.
I need to change across the board.
May Your Spirit and your Sword
enable me to win at war,
and I know what You made me for:
to honor You, and You alone;
to bow before Your holy throne.

I now know that when I’ve relied
on folks whom I have deified
to feel secure in who I am,
I’ve turned my back on Christ the Lamb,
who have His life a sacrifice,
revealing just how high a price
that You were once willing to pay
for fellowship with me someday.

Too easily my heart is broken;
too sensitive to words spoken.
Each time that people criticize
I tend to over-analyze.
I toss and turn on sleepless nights
and readily remember slights.
My fragile ego causes pain,
yet tears I shed are all in vain
when concentration is on me,
instead of You, and folks I see.

Heal my hurts; let Your Spirit start
to reconstruct this shattered heart.
Give my self-consciousness release
until I have Your perfect peace,
and I’m at home upon my face
relying on sustaining grace.
For when I bend my knees each day,
I’m less prone to get in the way.
Help me focus more upon the need
of others, so I will intercede
and heal their hurts, not thinking of
my own need for esteem or love.
For when my many hurts are healed,
then my heart can be Spirit-filled.

Today, will you pray this prayer for yourself?

God still chooses to heal physical infirmities on occasion, yet far more important is the deeper inner healing of the heart.  That’s where the refreshing stream of godly attitudes and external behaviors begin. In her book Beside Bethesda: 31 Days Toward Deeper Healing, Joni Eareckson Tada says, “His highest priority is not our comfort or temporary prosperity, but the healing of our sin-damaged soul.”

Amen to that.