A Story Showing How My Grievous Disappointment Became God’s Gracious Appointment

Have you experienced a setback or disappointment so painful that it broke your heart and spawned tears?

Have you thought you were following God’s leading to a new business or ministry venture, only to see that opportunity vaporize due to a situation over which you had no control?

Have you watched as the Lord took a foolish, flesh-motivated choice you made and redeemed it for your long-term delight and for His greater glory?

Let me tell you about such a time in my life and what I learned from it. Perhaps reading it will inject a new perspective into a disappointment you’re currently facing.

An Appealing Opportunity

When I was 24, on the heels of earning a graduate degree in Communications at Wheaton Graduate School in Illinois, a well-known evangelical leader recruited me to work for his new church renewal organization. He wanted me to help write an innovative, family-based church curriculum and accompany him on the seminar circuit to train church teachers who utilized the materials.

The prospect of writing curriculum and training volunteer teachers across the United States had a magnetic appeal to me. To my chagrin, I equated public exposure as a speaker and writer to success in ministry. I relished the chance to work alongside Lawrence (Larry) Richards, who, before his death in 2016, wrote more than 200 books in the areas of Bible, church ministry and leadership. In September of 1973, my wife and I moved across the country to join him in Phoenix, Arizona.

Debilitating Disappointment

Six months later, shortly after we had purchased a townhouse, my grandiose ministry dreams evaporated. The outside funding for Larry’s church renewal organization was unexpectedly revoked. I had no idea that my salary depended on a single donor who had a conflict with Larry after I had arrived in Phoenix.

After I received my final paycheck, Dolly became pregnant. Extreme fatigue and morning sickness prevented her from continuing her employment. I called various Christian publishers across the country, scrounging for enough writing assignments to pay the mortgage and to buy groceries.

The financial pressure and the loss of an exciting ministry I had envisioned spurred a deep descent into depression. I used the second bedroom in the townhome as an office. Once, Dolly heard me crying. She brought a full-sized body towel into my office and used it to wipe the tears that had puddled on top of my desk.

During those rough months, out of sheer desperation, I took long walks during which I poured out my heart to the Lord. In addition to praying a lot more, I delved into God’s Word more often, not just to complete the writing assignments, but for personal sustenance. God’s Spirit prompted me to do a lot of soul-searching. I continually asked Him for guidance concerning the next step for Dolly and me.

Blessings from Brokenness

Forty-seven years later, I smile as I recall that difficult part of my pilgrimage. That keen disappointment became a pivot on which my life and ministry turned. Though things did not unfold in Phoenix as I had anticipated, my broken spirit was a vital and gracious part of God’s plan for me.

What I then perceived as God’s abandonment was in reality His benevolent providence.

What did I learn from the experience?

God’s Glory, Not Mine

My desperate seeking of the Lord after losing the job resulted in the Holy Spirit’s conviction concerning my motive for taking the position in Arizona. I had been drawn to the job by the opportunity to work alongside a renowned Christian writer and thinker. I jumped at his offer because I believed the position and my association with Larry would facilitate my own career as a Christian writer and speaker. Oh, I believed in Larry’s vision for family-based curriculum, but after losing the position I realized that my primary motivation had been the boon it would give to my own dream of writing books and speaking to large crowds.

The self-serving reason for accepting Larry’s offer crystallized only after spending a lot of time in the Lord’s presence during those difficult months. Subtly and gradually, tears generated by my disappointment became tears prompted by the Holy Spirit’s painful conviction. I didn’t like the view of myself that the Spirit exposed.

Ministry should never be about what increases my name recognition, but what enhances God’s reputation!

While reevaluating my life in Arizona, I came across Isaiah 42:8: “I am the Lord, that is My name; I will not give my glory to another.”  Initially, I had been blind to the fact that my own glory, my own reputation, superseded my passion for God to receive honor through my teaching and writing. Only when that ministry was snatched from me and I felt the emotional impact did I see the impurity in my own heart.

I shudder to think how my life and ministry would have evolved if my ego had not been severely bruised by disappointment. Though I am not totally free from the pull of pride and a desire for recognition, ever since that painful episode I have asked this question about ministry placement and speaking/writing opportunities: Will this opportunity maximize the possibility of God receiving more glory through me? 

For you: Identify a sharp disappointment from your past, or one you’re currently facing. Can you see why this setback was in disguise a gracious work of God in your life or ministry? If not, have you asked the Lord to help you analyze the experience so you can learn from it whatever He intends?  May you become convinced, as I am, of what Oswald Chambers wrote in My Utmost for His Highest: “God never wastes time and He never wastes experiences.” 

Giftedness Versus Maturity

Though many Christian leaders eclipse my ability as a writer and teacher, it was clear at a young age that God had gifted me as a communicator. Whether the venue was writing, a classroom or a pulpit, I could explain Bible truths passionately and pass those insights along in a clear, learnable form.

Oh, but there is a serious danger in giftedness without spiritual maturity, or in what I call “pre-mature” success!

In my early years of education and ministry, I put more emphasis on honing my skills and finding service outlets than I did in cultivating an intimate walk with Christ. I had not been discipled as a teenager. The small local church my family attended was not a strong one. I believed the gospel growing up, but  I had not grounded myself in it.

After my calling into vocational ministry while in college, I learned to serve Christ before I learned how to walk with Him day by day. The many compliments I received for public ministry exacerbated the problem, resulting in an excessive focus on my public life instead of my private life. A consequence was my failure to cultivate habits of holiness, to spend unhurried time in the Lord’s presence through prayer and delving into His Word to feed my soul.

Ironically, as previously explained, the painful setback in Arizona was the catalyst for a deeper, more enriching interaction with my Savior. If God had not engineered my disappointing experience in Arizona, I honestly believe that my inverted priorities would have resulted in a severe burnout at best, and a moral collapse at worst. People in ministry who neglect their private worlds are much more vulnerable to the pull of their own indwelling sin, as well as to attacks of Satan.

For you:  Never assume that maturity and strong character always accompany giftedness. If you are a younger Christian who’s eager to serve the Lord and who receives compliments for public gifts, be careful. Ask the Lord to prepare your heart for ministry and develop your character before you hone the skills and grace-gifts He has given you. Limit the number of responsibilities or optional ministry opportunities you accept so there’s energy left to spend adequate time with the Lord and with your family.

 

Redirection

The hurtful disappointment in Arizona ultimately influenced two crucial decisions that positively shaped my future.

First, the extended times with the Lord after I lost the job created in me a deep, fresh hunger for more  Bible knowledge. Up to that point, my ministry skills training had far surpassed my grasp of Scripture. Before God revealed to me a specific niche to pursue in ministry, He led me back to Wheaton, Illinois to take one full year under the teaching of a renown New Testament scholar, Merrill C. Tenney. After our relocation, I took every course Dr. Tenney taught during the 1974-75 school year.

To complement his incisive lectures on New Testament books, he trained his students in methods of Bible study. Instead of merely regurgitating facts on exams, his students did original work in the biblical text: crafting an expository outline of the book, tracing a topic through the book, word studies, historical setting, analyzing facts to identify valid interpretations, etc. Academically, it was the heaviest workload I’ve ever encountered, including my doctoral studies that I pursued years later. But oh, how rewarding! From then on, with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I knew how to feed myself in the Word rather than rely solely on others’ spade work. That was far and away the most fruitful, formative year of my  academic pursuit. And it wouldn’t have materialized without the shattering of my aspirations in Arizona!

God also used that final year in Wheaton to clarify for me a specific vocational ministry direction. I had envisioned a career as a writer, supplemented by Bible teaching. But God had another path in mind for me. The head of the Christian (Church) Education program at the graduate school, with whom I had taken several classes on church ministry while obtaining my Communications degree, initiated a meeting with me as soon as she knew I was back in town. She explained that by taking just several more classes in church education to complement the Bible classes, I could get a degree in C. E. and use the Bible classes as electives for the second Master’s diploma.

Another gracious providence!

Those additional church-related classes instilled in me a burden for the church’s educational ministries for all age levels. I saw the need for well-trained volunteer teachers and the necessity for Bible learning to complement the pastor’s pulpit teaching. My first full-time church placement after that second stint at Wheaten was a Director of Christian Education position in a large church. A few years later, Columbia Bible College (now Columbia International University) called me to teach Christian Education, which resulted in 38 years here as a full-time faculty member. The minimum academic requirement at the time  was an M. A. in the field, a prerequisite I would not have met without the setback in Arizona and the intervention of the Christian education professor at Wheaton. The decades at CIU, which began in 1981, included two stints, totaling 10 years, as a half-time Director of Christian Education in my local PCA church, and over thirty overseas trips to train national leaders in aspects of developing a strong Christian education program in their churches.

Please note: I did not cite the degrees or ministries in the previous paragraphs to leave a positive impression of me. But those details show God’s clear design for my life and ministry, occasioned by the heart-rending disappointment over a ministry that did not pan out years earlier. I felt a need to reveal these details so you could clearly see how I went from disappointment to depression to delight. My intent is to show that we can trust God to redeem our pain and even our mistakes.

How grateful I am to God for taking my self-centered choice to move to Arizona, and through that painful disappointment, to redirect my path in a way that resulted in a satisfying, more fruitful ministry. He purified my motivation, instilled a desire for more intimate fellowship with Him, and clarified how He could best use me in vocational ministry. What seemed like a nonsensical delay in Arizona was perhaps the most significant “course” I have ever taken in what I call God’s “divine curriculum.” I discovered the truth of what V. Raymond Edman wrote: “Delay never thwarts God’s purpose; rather, it polishes His instrument.”

God’s Glory in Your Story

My story illustrates how God works through painful circumstances for our good and for His glory. The process is difficult, but the outcome is delightful.

Can you look into your past and see an instance when God redirected your path after a keep disappointment? Has He employed a frustrating delay or setback to force you to reevaluate the state of your heart? To reveal how you can better serve Him?  Identify ways that a painful experience turned out for your good and for His glory. Then thank Him for redeeming your setback!

Under the control of a loving, sovereign God, our disappointments become His gracious appointments.